Relationships and faults

May 3, 2011

relationship

People get into relationships all the time attracted by appearance , nature , qualities of the other person, loneliness . Relationships break  for  the same reasons of appearance,nature,quality and faults  of the other person.

Everyone has faults . Someone might have too much pride, might never apologize for mistakes ,  others might have difficulty in expressing their feelings .   There are some  critical faults and not so critical faults . Critical faults are beyond reconciliation like cheating on a partner is .

People searching for perfection / the perfect mate will never find one . Initially blinded by the glow of a new relation , people feel they have their perfect partner . As  time goes and the gloss comes off  the faults appear . Then comes  the period in which partners  acknowledge each others faults and learn to live with it .  A period might also come  in  which they can no longer live with the other person’ faults .

So a relation starts breaking .Quarrels occur . Reconciliations occur . Sometimes they don’t occur as pride comes in the way . Each person feels the other is at fault and should be the one who apologizes and moves  the relation back on track .

In a successful relation  people learn to live with the partner’s faults . Someone adjusts or both adjust . Not only do they live with the partner’s faults but they try actively to minimize their own faults . Sometimes the faults are irreconcilable  for people  . Sometimes they do learn to forgive

Whatever be  one’s faults the skill of admitting mistakes and saying sorry is something which everyone should learn .It is the basic pillar of any relationship .Saying sorry , admitting one’s fault seems to be the hardest thing for some people. They will argue and argue , but never accept that they might have done some mistake , have faults in them.

This skill is essential not only in romantic relationships but also in dealing with friendships , workplace , relatives and any other .

realtionship broken


Celebrity obsession

July 4, 2010

Dhoni

Sania mirza

So its the time of year again. Reportedly Mahendra Singh Dhoni , the captain of Indian cricket team is getting  married .  You can’t turn on a television set or read a newspaper without images of the couple staring at you with an ‘exclusive report ‘ to follow .

We had  the same thing when Sania Mirza was married a while ago . Media started publishing daily status reports on the countdown of her wedding .  We got articles of Sania spotted, Malik spotted , comments from various personalities about the marriage , which brands will no longer endorse her , reports from Pakistan , comments from Pakistani politicians  , debates whether Sania should have married an Indian instead, where the couple will live after marriage , whether Sania will support India or Pakistan in a cricket match  and so on . In short an information surfeit .

This is not just an Indian phenomenon . Remember the Diana death and the commentary that followed in practically every media outlet in the world. Conspiracy theories , comments from every person connected or not connected to the royal family .  We get a news report even now every time a son of Diana sneezes .

This obsession with celebrity detail does not extend to just news various memorabilia  of the celebrities from their clothes , written letters , used napkins to virtually anything the marketers can think , fetch exorbitant prices .

Why does the media do this . Do we really need details of every minor thing a person has done or said . The precious  time could be used to cover something useful and worth to bring  to the attention of the public . There are no dearth of issues worth reporting about .

Take for example the Bhopal tragedy . If the media actually gave the issue focus it is giving today in the past  we would not have been in the sorry state today . None of the main accused are punished , nor sufficient compensation received nor did we have  for cleaning up the contaminated site .

This is not the media’s fault alone . The media  shows what the people want . The truth is people are obsessed about celebrity gossip , news , trivia . So we have magazines which make a living solely  by publishing real or made up celebrity news .

We have thousands of fan clubs sprouting across every corner of the world . In India temples being constructed for celebrities . One word from a celebrity galvanizes an entire fan base into whatever avenue he/she wants .  Some celebrities actually do funnel this  into an useful channel  like social work . But mostly celebrities use this fan worship / following to successfully launch a political career or a business .

The media/ people needs to grow up and stop this obsessing over minute details of public figures . If you do need to read about something ,there is a vast ocean of knowledge easily available .


Consensual sex is rape!

July 2, 2010
http://www.ndtv.com/news/cities/cop-arrested-after-girlfriend-alleges-rape-28813.php
Girl friend of a cop alleges rape after he refused to marry her
http://www.ndtv.com/news/cities/woman-alleges-rape-after-ex-lover-breaks-marriage-promise-29095.php
The girl was having relationship with the person for 4 years . However when he does not marry her , she alleges rape from 4 years
http://www.ndtv.com/news/cities/jet-air-co-pilot-rapes-air-hostess-repeatedly-held-28606.php?from=rightpanel?from=rightpanel
This air hostess was in a live in relationship from 2008-2010 . However things turned sour and she alleges repeated rape .
rape
So whats common in all these cases. The so called ‘rape’ was actually consensual sex. After relationships break , this is being used to harass the men in the relationship . A case of cheating might be more appropriate in all the above cases .
I sympathize with real rape victims . What happens here is an insult to actual victims of the horrific crime. These were educated women who knowingly entered into a physical relationship for many years . That is not rape by any measure of the definition .
The problem here is the law which actually takes statement of women as de facto true  without enquiring into the specifics of the particular case .
Women friendly laws were introduced to make it easier for them to report sexual crimes and dowry cases . However this should not imply that on the allegation of the women an individual or entire family(in the case of dowry)  be arrested .
Proper enquiry needs to be made and arrests be made only afterwards . The law makers instead of better implementation of existing laws choose the easy path out and made ridiculous laws which are liable to abuse .
So the lesson . If you are in India  and male better not go into pre-martial sex unless you are sure you both will end up together . Otherwise you might be facing rape charges even though sex is consensual .