Relationships and faults

May 3, 2011

relationship

People get into relationships all the time attracted by appearance , nature , qualities of the other person, loneliness . Relationships break  for  the same reasons of appearance,nature,quality and faults  of the other person.

Everyone has faults . Someone might have too much pride, might never apologize for mistakes ,  others might have difficulty in expressing their feelings .   There are some  critical faults and not so critical faults . Critical faults are beyond reconciliation like cheating on a partner is .

People searching for perfection / the perfect mate will never find one . Initially blinded by the glow of a new relation , people feel they have their perfect partner . As  time goes and the gloss comes off  the faults appear . Then comes  the period in which partners  acknowledge each others faults and learn to live with it .  A period might also come  in  which they can no longer live with the other person’ faults .

So a relation starts breaking .Quarrels occur . Reconciliations occur . Sometimes they don’t occur as pride comes in the way . Each person feels the other is at fault and should be the one who apologizes and moves  the relation back on track .

In a successful relation  people learn to live with the partner’s faults . Someone adjusts or both adjust . Not only do they live with the partner’s faults but they try actively to minimize their own faults . Sometimes the faults are irreconcilable  for people  . Sometimes they do learn to forgive

Whatever be  one’s faults the skill of admitting mistakes and saying sorry is something which everyone should learn .It is the basic pillar of any relationship .Saying sorry , admitting one’s fault seems to be the hardest thing for some people. They will argue and argue , but never accept that they might have done some mistake , have faults in them.

This skill is essential not only in romantic relationships but also in dealing with friendships , workplace , relatives and any other .

realtionship broken


Consensual sex is rape!

July 2, 2010
http://www.ndtv.com/news/cities/cop-arrested-after-girlfriend-alleges-rape-28813.php
Girl friend of a cop alleges rape after he refused to marry her
http://www.ndtv.com/news/cities/woman-alleges-rape-after-ex-lover-breaks-marriage-promise-29095.php
The girl was having relationship with the person for 4 years . However when he does not marry her , she alleges rape from 4 years
http://www.ndtv.com/news/cities/jet-air-co-pilot-rapes-air-hostess-repeatedly-held-28606.php?from=rightpanel?from=rightpanel
This air hostess was in a live in relationship from 2008-2010 . However things turned sour and she alleges repeated rape .
rape
So whats common in all these cases. The so called ‘rape’ was actually consensual sex. After relationships break , this is being used to harass the men in the relationship . A case of cheating might be more appropriate in all the above cases .
I sympathize with real rape victims . What happens here is an insult to actual victims of the horrific crime. These were educated women who knowingly entered into a physical relationship for many years . That is not rape by any measure of the definition .
The problem here is the law which actually takes statement of women as de facto true  without enquiring into the specifics of the particular case .
Women friendly laws were introduced to make it easier for them to report sexual crimes and dowry cases . However this should not imply that on the allegation of the women an individual or entire family(in the case of dowry)  be arrested .
Proper enquiry needs to be made and arrests be made only afterwards . The law makers instead of better implementation of existing laws choose the easy path out and made ridiculous laws which are liable to abuse .
So the lesson . If you are in India  and male better not go into pre-martial sex unless you are sure you both will end up together . Otherwise you might be facing rape charges even though sex is consensual .